At 1:00 PM EST today, Steve Jobs finally revealed the long rumoured Apple Tablet to a rabid cadre of fans. The long rumoured iSlate, aptly named the iChop, wowed audience members when it was pulled out of Jobs’ backpack, promptly thrown to the ground and pelted with rocks to prove its durability.
Asked what it was good for, Jobs replied that the iChop represented a revolutionary new way to bash food with blunt objects. “With traditional chopping boards, other companies just can’t seem to get it right,” Jobs explained. “Some of them are extremely durable, but have no style at all. Others look alright, but break easily. Ours look good, chop well and never ever break. It’s a win-win situation.”
Jobs, however, was adamant that the iChop isn’t just yet another chopping board.
“The iChop is so much more than just a wooden tablet to bash food on with blunt objects. With a multitude of uses it represents a whole new lifestyle – a dedication to excellence, great products and ponies. You can carry the iChop around, burn it, throw it off buildings, carve your initials into it with a knife or clobber blasphemers who dare suggest that it is nothing more than an overpriced chopping board made from wood hewed by underpaid Chinese carpenters.”
Jobs then attempted to exit into heaven on a cloud, bumping his head on the ceiling in the process.
The iChop